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It's just been one of those days. You know what I'm talking about. The kind where you feel a bazillion emotions throughout the day? Yeah that's me today. I have to say, I'm not the biggest fan. Remember how I said my life is going through a lot of changes? (I can't remember if I actually said that or not) Anyway, yeah there are a lot of changes happening. I'm done with college now and I REALLLLY need a job. Like bad. I am broke and living at home. (Not the ideal combo to say the least) So I decided to get my butt out there and find myself a big girl job. I decided to come stay the week at my sister Whit's house and take a couple days to job search around Lehi and down in Provo/Orem (because let's be real, I gotta get myself around people my own age) I went out searching today. I just went in Lehi and I applied to 4 different places and to my surprise 2 of those places are hiring! I was thrilled. My cousin works at one of those places so she got me an interview for today! (What? Is this real life? Something that could possibly work out to my advantage?) I'm feeling pretty good at this point. I come back to Whit's for the next few hours before the interview and I am a nervous wreck. I always get nervous before interviews. I hate them. I don't think I give the best first impression and every part of my body sweats during the interview just waiting for it to be over. Today was no different. Over all I think the interview went fairly well. She said she would know if I got the job by tomorrow. When I came home I was feeling pretty good, but what if I actually get this job? What do I do? Remember how I have no car, no money, and no plan? I guess this is where I practice FAITH. This is also when I started to freak out a bit. I don't think this job is going to pay nearly as much as I would need to be making to live on my own, and I haven't checked out my other options down in Provo. So what do I do? Accept it and live with my sister and keep searching? Not accept it and keep searching for something that pays in the range I need? (Clearly I'm jumping to conclusions here, but this is real life and I need to be prepared) I think if I get the job I will take it, but keep looking for something better. I have to start somewhere right? I can get experience and have something to throw on my resume'. The real problem is that crap is hitting the ceiling fan at once. I need a job. I need a car. I need a place to live. and I need PEOPLE MY OWN AGE. I do, I need all of these things and I just don't know how to get any of them. Have I mentioned growing up sucks? And doing it alone sucks worse? (I know I sound like a bitter Betty, but this is my blog, and I do what I want) The truth is that it is stressful. scary. lonely. sad. exciting. invigorating. nerve-racking. responsible. ALL AT ONCE.
 I'm just really tired of feeling like I have no purpose. I don't have school. I don't have work. I don't have a boyfriend. I don't have a husband and kids. I'm not needed anywhere right now and THAT is a strange feeling. I literally feel worthless at times, and that can be really depressing. I am tired of watching hours of CASTLE everyday (although I do LOVE that show) I'm tired of arguing with my mom day after day and having no where to go to get away. I'm tired of trying so hard to find a job and figuring out where to move and following God's plan for me and nothing seeming to happen. I'm just tired.
Ok I am done. In the words of Pheobe Buffay, "Get out of the bitter barn and play in hay!" And so I will. Some things I can't control, and some things I can. So guess what? I'm going to make the best of a crappy situation. I'm going to pray and pray hard. I'm going to prepare for General Conference this weekend and listen for answers. I will continue to remember that everything happens according to the Lord's timing, not mine. Be patient Kenz. Have faith Kenz. Guys, I can do this.

Cheers, Kenz

Aaaaand here we go!

Hi. My name is Kenzie. I have always thought that blogging was dumb. You know, just a way for people to show off their lives and somehow make their mediocre life seem so fascinating and extreme. Well now look at me, starting my own blog. You see I'm at a weird crossroads in my life. I broke up with the man I thought I was going to marry, graduated college, and moved home. I went from spending my free time meeting new people, going on crazy adventures, and constantly having fun to staying at home, meeting weird people at a singles ward, and going to bed by 10 o'clock. Those may seem like small changes, but to me they are HUGE. It's hard, change that is. I'm here to write about my changes, my hopefully new experiences, my stress, and how I still manage to make it through day to day. Sometimes throw in a little funny, a little sappy, and a little spiritual. I'm trying to make my less-than-mediocre life seem extravagant to my readers (as if I have any).
Cheers,
             Kenz